Jan 3, 2013 (CDT) – Happy 2013 and Hello. Welcome to inaugural edition of www.stumptownconfidential.com How To Seduce Women Relationship Bible 2013 Edition. This page is dedicated to free and useful faq or guide to balance your relationship matter with your love ones that are mostly not covered in the other section of this website. As such you can perhaps call this page your dedicated Yellow Page of Relationship. At the beginning of every month, we will update this page with new and useful relationship FAQ so please check back often. (the images will be posted later today)
Updated Feb 1st, 2013 – 7 new Yellow Pages Of Relationship articles featuring the following topics – How to Talk About Your Past Romances With Your Partner. Easy Ways to Bring More Security to Your Relationship. 13 Ways to Deal Effectively With Unwarranted Criticism. Rediscover the Lost Art of Courtesy and Get What You Want More Often. The Busy Parent’s Guide to Encouraging Your Kids to Tell the Truth. Are Your Kids Driving You Crazy? 10 Sanity-Saving Strategies to Help You Cope and Tips to Diffuse a Toddler’s Meltdown.
Jan 2013 Yellow Pages Of Relationship
Is Your Relationship Poisoning You?
Every now and again you meet a person you want to get to know better. You pursue the relationship and end up involved, only to discover that the relationship only brings negativity. This situation might happen in a close friendship or love relationship.
How can you tell you’re in a toxic relationship? If you realize you’re in a relationship that’s poisoning you, what will you do?
Review the information below to help you handle such challenging relationships.
Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship
1. You question your own feelings. You’re second-guessing yourself about how to act and what to say.
2. You experience signs of physical and emotional upset. When you’re with the person, your stomach hurts or you feel anxious.
3. Feelings of confusion become common. You’re unsure about what’s going on with you. Sometimes, you feel you don’t know which end is up when it comes to your relationship.
4. The relationship is negatively unpredictable. For example, you thought your friend would be happy you arrived early to go shopping but instead, she was irritated.
5. One or both of you consistently say hurtful things. Emotionally, it’s like a roller coaster. Too many damaging, unforgettable, angry words have been said. There are plenty of ups and downs and the downs are getting harder to take.
6. You’ve had an angry physical exchange with the person. He’s literally pushed you or she’s thrown her cell phone at you. Maybe you’ve gotten physical, too.
7. When with the person, you engage in unhealthy behaviors. Whether it’s drinking too much, shopping more than you should, or not being honest with others to spend time with the person, it’s obvious to you that they are pulling you to a “dark side.”
If you’re experiencing any of these situations, you’re in a relationship that’s having some pretty devastating effects. What can you do about it?
What To Do if You Believe You’re in a Toxic Relationship
1. Give yourself some time away to focus. Take at least two days without having any contact with the person. How do you feel?
2. Have confidence. Remember that you’ve had tough times before and worked through them one way or the other.
3. Decide whether you still want the person in your life. Have things between the two of you gone so far that they can’t be corrected?
4. Write down the top three issues that trouble you. Doing so will help you be clear with yourself about what is discouraging about the relationship. Getting your thoughts and ideas in order will lift the fog of confusion and bring you clarity and confidence.
5. Examine your own actions. What are you doing to perpetuate the difficulties? Be brutally honest with yourself about what part you play in the worrisome relationship. Allow yourself to look within yourself and discover your own unhealthy behaviors. Vow to work on your own issues and get them resolved.
6. If you believe the relationship can change, talk directly with the other person about the issues that upset you. Be specific. Use a neutral tone of voice.
* For example, say something like, “I’ve realized that it hurts my feelings whenever you stand me up when we have plans, like last Wednesday. It’s happened several times and in the future, I want you to call me if you’re not going to show up.”
* Being open about your feelings with the other person will strengthen your convictions to do something about the issue.
7. Seek professional help. If you’re unable to resolve the challenges on your own, you might want to call a mental health professional. They can help you clarify your feelings and enable you to overcome the toxicity.
Even though you may find you’re in a toxic relationship, you can endeavor to resolve the challenges. Embrace responsibility for your own actions and choices in life. Everything will get better and you’ll finally experience the tranquil life you desire!
Make Love Work the Second Time Around
If you’re considering reuniting with an ex-partner, there are many challenges to navigate. You’ll want to evaluate whether getting back together is a positive decision for both of you. Then, it also takes constructive effort to make your reunion work. These suggestions can help you through this process.
Deciding to Get Back Together
1. Know the odds. By some estimates, 60% of remarriages end in divorce, so be realistic about your chances. Still, you could be among the 40% that work, so that is all that matters for your own future.
2. Give yourself some breathing space. Take time to reflect. It’s often easier to look at the situation more accurately when you have some time to yourself compared to when you and your partner may have been getting on each other’s nerves daily.
3. Assess the reasons why you parted. Some factors, like domestic violence, are clear signals that you’re probably better off on your own.
* On the other hand, if your relationship foundered under the stress of job loss or the death of a loved one, you might bounce back once you address the underlying issue.
4. Watch out for loneliness. It’s natural to want your old life back, especially if you’re uncomfortable being alone or have a string of disappointing dates. Analyze your motives, cultivate your friendships, and do some volunteer work.
* A strong support network and meaningful activities will help to keep distressing emotions from distorting your vision.
5. Respect each other’s feelings. Of course, both sides must want the relationship back. If your partner is less willing, focus on building a better life for yourself independently.
6. Seek counseling. If you think you would benefit from an expert and objective point of view, talk with a therapist. Most communities have free or low cost services to accommodate any budget.
Making Your Reunion Work
1. Proceed slowly. Take things gradually. Polite exchanges with your ex-spouse could lead to a healthy friendship or even a renewed romance.
2. Start off fresh. If you decide to get back together, treat it like a new beginning. Go out on dates and look for opportunities to give each other sincere compliments.
3. Learn to forgive. Whatever choice you make, forgiveness is essential to healing. Accept accountability for your own actions. Develop compassion for your partner and whatever errors they may have made.
4. Improve your communication skills. Relationship skills can be learned and improved. Becoming more competent at communication is bound to help. Take formal classes, read self help books, and practice daily.
5. Decide for yourself. Friends and family may be skeptical about your reconciling. Listen to their input but remain in charge of your own destiny.
6. Expect changes. People change over time. You may encounter new issues while you clear up your past obstacles.
7. Talk with your children. Providing stability for their children is a priority for many couples. Respond to their questions with age-appropriate information. Reassure them of your love whether you all become one household again or continue living apart.
8. Make contingency plans. Hope for the best and make plans to safeguard your wellbeing. Both of you may want to hold onto your separate residences for a time. If you’re getting remarried, you and your spouse may feel more secure with a prenuptial in place this time around.
Think carefully about why you want to give love a second chance. Reunions are challenging but often worthwhile. You and your partner might wind up happier than ever the second time around.
7 Ways to Cope With Break-Ups When Your Partner Says “It’s Over”
Regardless of where you live, your social status, or your occupation, if you’re a human being you’re likely either involved in a close relationship or hoping to get into or out of one. The human condition is such that we strive to develop a close emotional connection with someone who we can spend our life with.
You’ll probably experience times when you’re with someone who wants to leave the relationship. Those words, “It’s over,” can be some of the most painful words you’ll ever hear.
These suggestions will help you cope with the loss of a love relationship:
1. Acknowledge that the relationship has ended. You might have difficulty with the idea that you won’t be seeing or spending time with the person anymore. Admit to yourself that however you feel about him, it’s done.
2. Process what happened. This step will be emotionally challenging, yet going through your “emotional file cabinet” of what has gone on in the relationship will ultimately help you get through the break-up. From your point of view, what happened?
3. Ponder how the two of you related. It’s especially important to be realistic whenever you’re considering the most basic thing about the relationship-how you communicated with each other.
* How did you get along? Were there times you couldn’t adequately convey your thoughts and needs? Or that he couldn’t convey his ideas and wants to you?
4. Be honest about what didn’t work between you. Although you might tend to get caught up in the emotional pain and angst of the ending of a relationship, it’s important to have your eyes wide open regarding the rough spots.
* Sure, maybe you both loved football and enjoyed eating Italian on Friday nights, but what didn’t you do so well together?
* It will be enlightening for you to get real about what wasn’t working between the two of you. Otherwise, you’ll struggle to draw conclusions about the relationship, which is necessary for you to move on emotionally.
5. Baby yourself a bit. After all, you’ve been through an emotionally devastating event. Because you want to get through this trauma and live out your life with serenity and happiness, it’s perfectly acceptable to take time to engage in activities that bring comfort and solace.
6. Be active even if you don’t feel like it. Whether it’s visiting friends or going for your morning jog, continue engaging in an active lifestyle to encourage your emotional healing. You’ll be invigorated by the physical regimen and it will serve to lift your mood.
7. Draw your own conclusions. As time passes, you’ll notice you’re successfully “sorting out” what happened in your past relationship. And you’ll also see that you’ve formulated your own ideas about what actually occurred between you.
* For example: “Oh, we just didn’t agree on how a good relationship works” or “He just couldn’t accept that I wanted to spend time with my friends” or “I guess I tried to control how he spent his spare time and he didn’t like that.”
* Whatever conclusion you arrive at will help you enjoy healthy relationships in the future.
When you hear, “It’s over,” you might be emotionally immobilized. But if you apply these strategies, you’ll skillfully work through the break-up and arrive at your own ideas about why the relationship ended. Then, use that information to aid you in moving on with your life.
You can successfully cope with the aftermath of a lost love to discover your new and improved life that’s waiting.
Make Your Life More Fun With Activity Friends
Activity friends may be the answer if you’re looking for ways to have more fun in life and keep making new buddies as you get older. Making new friends who share your interests has many positive benefits.
Consider these advantages of activity friends and strategies for getting together with them.
Benefits of Activity Friends
1. Lighten up. Our closest friendships are often based on shared experiences and values. Activity friends can be a more casual outlet that lets you meet and enjoy the company of new people who share your interests.
2. Expand your circle. Many people find it more difficult to find new playmates after they finish school and join the working world. Let your hobbies bring you into contact with others.
3. Feel more connected. Having a partner or being part of a group turns any ordinary activity into a social event. See if a neighbor wants to join you on Saturday mornings for garage sale excursions.
4. Manage stress. Spending time in the company of others and engaging in activities you enjoy are both effective remedies for stress. Double the benefits by combining the two.
5. Pace yourself. If you’re feeling lonely, you may inadvertently push people away by seeming anxious or needy. Switching the focus to an activity gives you a chance to make a better impression and gives everyone more time to get to know each other.
6. Help others. Lots of people are looking for friendship. You’re enriching their lives too when you take a risk and reach out.
7. Become more active. Sedentary lifestyles are contributing to an epidemic of obesity. Almost anything you do is going to burn more calories than watching TV or surfing the Internet.
8. Add to your accomplishments. Progress comes with practice. Teaming up with others will help you stick to your needlework or improve your tennis game.
Strategies for Getting Together
1. Look around you. Find new friends in the places you already frequent. Strike up a conversation with someone who attends the same lecture series as you.
2. Search online. Lots of people find their spouses at dating websites these days. You can use similar sites and techniques to find people who are looking for platonic chums.
3. Post an ad. Get proactive and post your own ad starting a book club or wine group. Check out local websites or go the traditional route with bulletin boards in neighborhood groceries and coffee shops.
4. Ask for introductions. Let people know you’re eager to meet others. That co-worker who loves country music may have a brother-in-law who wants to start a chamber music ensemble.
5. Hang out in public. It’s difficult to meet anyone if you stay at home. Visit the community pool or volunteer to answer phones during the next fund drive for your local public television station.
6. Practice small talk. Once you surround yourself with more people, be prepared to chat with them. Ask open ended questions about why other people are attending the same event as you. Offer a snappy summary of why you came. Ask more experienced people for advice and offer your insights to newcomers.
7. Keep an open mind. Part of the pleasure of activity friends is the opportunity to meet new types of friends. Get to know people from different backgrounds and broaden your mind.
Go out and make some new activity friends today. You’ll enjoy your recreation and help spread the happiness around. Who knows? Your hiking companion or theater date may even become an integral part of your life.
Are You Altruistic? 8 Clues of Altruism
Altruism is a personal quality that we can all strive for.
When you’re altruistic, you have a moral mandate to perform tasks and activities that provide help and support to others. Being altruistic means you take personal responsibility to do something of value for another human being.
You go out of your way to consider the benefits you can create for others. If you’re altruistic, people likely see you as friendly, open, concerned, caring, and supportive. You have a true passion to facilitate the well-being of other people.
Are you altruistic? Consider these clues:
1. You think of others first. In any situation, you consider the other person. It comes naturally to you. It’s not that you think others are more important than you-it’s just that you strive to be thoughtful.
2. You consider the impact of your behavior on others. For example, you’d like to buy an SUV because you get so frustrated about not being able to see where you’re going when you’re following an SUV.
* You realize, at first, that if you also had one, you could likely have a better view of what’s going on up the road ahead of you.
* However, you also think, “Yeah, but then if I get an SUV, I will be responsible for putting one more gas guzzler on the road that other drivers can’t see around. No, I’m not going to get an SUV.” An altruistic person truly considers the effects of their behaviors on those around them.
3. You get positive feelings after doing something for another person. When you’re altruistic, you actually like to do things for other people. Helping others brings personal rewards that those around you might not understand or aspire to.
4. It’s no bother to go out of your way to help other people. During times when many find a situation to be a source of frustration, you step forward and do what’s necessary to provide assistance to others. An altruistic person doesn’t consider it a big deal to pitch in.
5. To a certain extent, you believe in the concept of karma. Although you might not accept Eastern philosophy in its entirety, you do think that “what goes around comes around.” In other words, you believe that if you do something positive for someone, down the road good things will come to you.
6. You apply the Golden Rule when dealing with others. You “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” A personal goal is to bring good cheer to the people you’re around and applying the Golden Rule is an effective way to do it.
7. You step forward to join your favorite cause. You’re an activist of sorts. Whenever something is really important to you, you’re not afraid to join a local or national group that works to combat the difficulty or establish a better way of life for people as a whole. Your focus is to contribute and maybe even motivate others to do the same.
8. You display a quiet self-confidence. Because you’re so clear on what your personal morals and standards for behavior are, you rarely experience self-doubt. You believe what you believe very strongly. You experience strength in your convictions.
Being altruistic is a wonderful personal value to possess. If the clues above describe you, then you might have altruism!
On the other hand, maybe you’d like to become more altruistic. If so, it’s a worthy endeavor. Focus on developing the above personal qualities. The more altruistic people we have in the world, the better lives we’ll all live.
Image and Photo Gallery For How To Seduce Women Yellow Pages Of Relationship 2013 Edition (To Be Posted Later)
- Are You Altruistic? 8 Clues of Altruism
- Jan 2013 Yellow Pages Of Relationship
- Jan 2013 Yellow Pages Of Relationship 3
- Is Your Relationship Poisoning You?
- How To Deal With Your Spouses Untidiness Properly – Helping A Fellow Guy?
- 7 Ways to Cope With Break-Ups When Your Partner Says “It’s Over”
- Make Love Work the Second Time Around
- Jan 2013 Yellow Pages Of Relationship 1
- Make Your Life More Fun With Activity Friends
How To Deal With Your Spouses Untidiness Properly – Helping A Fellow Guy? (updated on Jan 4 2013)
Q: I’ve been married to my wife, Jenny for two years. We have a fairly strong relationship except for one thing: she is very disorganized and sloppy with her things around the house.
It’s a wonder she looks so well-put-together when she leaves the house in the morning because her stuff is all over the place!
She throws her clothes on the floor after she takes them off – even her good work outfits. If I’m lucky, she drapes them over a chair. Honestly, even that drives me nuts.
In the kitchen, she leaves empty milk cartons on the counter.
I’ve never considered myself a nit-picky person but these habits of hers have brought out the worst in me. Even though I’ve tried to tell her to stop doing these things, she just keeps on doing them. I guess it’s genetic or something.
Is there anything I can do to get Jenny to work with me on decreasing her messiness?
A: It sounds like you’re pretty exasperated with some of Jenny’s habits. What you describe is actually pretty common between two people who live together, especially those in new love relationships.
When trying to resolve this issue, it would help if each of you understood that, even though you love each other and probably have many shared interests, the fact is that you’re two different people. You each grew up in your parents’ households and it’s reasonable to say that each of your parents had their own ways of managing the household when you were children.
We learn behaviors like orderliness, neatness, and being organized as we grow up. And we learn to change and perfect those habits as we mature.
Sometimes, if you have a parent that was extremely neat, you’ll go the opposite direction when you get out on your own and become rather laissez-faire about taking care of your personal belongings.
Other times when we have a parent who’s obsessive about neatness, we take the same route and also become overly focused on such habits.
Let’s face it, we’ve all known the mother or father who got angry because little Jimmy came home from playing baseball with dirt on his shirt and a hole in his jeans. Or the parent who spanked her 4-year-old daughter because she stomped her feet in a mud puddle as she was walking home from school.
Anyway, suffice it to say that you and Jenny may have had different experiences in your homes as youngsters about the importance (or not) of being neat, orderly, and organized. And those differences are emerging in your relationship.
Q: Okay, so how we were raised has something to do with it. You’re right, my parents taught me and my brothers to hang up our own coats on hooks and place our shoes in the closet when we were 4 years old.
Maybe Jennifer’s parents didn’t focus on the kids being neat.
Obviously, Jenny and I think and feel differently about how to take care of our stuff.
But every time I try to talk to her about it, we both just get mad. What’s the best way to bring up the discussion without her getting angry?
A: Make it a point to talk to Jenny about your concerns whenever you’re not feeling particularly frustrated about it. Otherwise, when she hears “that tone” in your voice, she likely shuts out your words because she knows where you’re going with the conversation.
Before you begin your discussion with Jenny regarding her neatness habits, reflect on the timing, setting, tone, and language you’ll use in the conversation.
Let’s go through these important elements one by one.
Timing
Approach her when neither of you are tired nor in a negative mood to ensure you have the proper mindset to open up the discussion.
For example, in the mornings during the week when both of you are getting ready to leave the house is not the ideal time to bring up the conversation. After work – before dinner – is often a high stress time, so it’s best to wait until after dinner.
Setting
Such conversations are best dealt with at home. If you have kids, avoid discussing the issue within their earshot. In the event the exchange escalates into a heated disagreement, you won’t want the children nearby.
If you’re both relaxing in the family room and neither of you is involved in a television program or anything that can’t be easily interrupted, then it’s likely a good time to bring up your issue.
Tone
How you feel when you bring up the subject usually determines your tone of voice and how you’ll approach the conversation.
For these reasons, avoid being upset or angry with Jenny about anything when you want to discuss something of importance. Tone of voice is exceptionally important as humans “read” voice tone pretty easily.
Think about it, when you were a kid, you knew by the tone of voice your parent used when he or she called out your name whether you were “in trouble” or not. So, take care with your voice tone.
Language
When bringing up a challenging topic with Jenny, it’s helpful for you to be keenly aware of the words you’re planning to use. How well
she’ll listen and respond to you is largely determined by the words you choose when addressing her. Consider these examples:
Example 1: “Jenny, your sloppiness is making me crazy. Why can’t you put more of an effort into picking up your stuff?”
Example 2: “Jenny, lately I’m feeling frustrated with how you leave your clothes on the floor after you un-dress. We both end up stepping on them. Plus, it’s important to me that our bedroom looks tidy. Will you please hang up your clothes or put them in the hamper after you take them off?”
Q: Well, I have to admit that how I would talk to her about it sounds more like Example 1. What’s wrong with it?
A: The language used in Example 1 is somewhat inflammatory. It starts out with “your,” which sounds accusatory, as opposed to “I.” The term, “making me crazy”
isn’t all that helpful or descriptive. How do you actually feel? Share your true feelings using acceptable “feeling” words.
Asking “Why can’t you” is implying that Jenny “can’t” do something. Plus, you’re inquiring “why” she can’t correct her behavior as opposed to whether she’s willing to put forth effort to actually change her behavior.
Q: Oh, I see now. Example 2 does sound better, but will it really work?
A: The language used in Example 2 sounds less accusatory and more like the person communicating wants to problem-solve and work out
the situation.
Example 2 begins with an “I” statement, which places the emphasis on you, the one bringing up the concern, rather than accusing the listener, Jenny, of doing something terribly wrong.
Then, an effective feeling word, “frustrated” delineates well how you feel about Jenny’s behavior, which you go on to describe.
It’s important to be specific when issuing a concern about something your partner is doing.
When you state concerns according to Example 2, you’re clearly saying you’re troubled by how Jenny leaves her clothes after she disrobes.
Using Example 2, you then can say why you feel the way you do.
Finally, pose a simple, direct question to Jenny about what you’d like her to do.
So, when you phrase your concerns to Jenny by following the pattern of Example 2, you’re doing everything within your power to open up the discussion earnestly to resolve the issue. We can’t know how it will turn out but you’ll be doing your best to figure out the challenge with her.
Q: Because we’ve tried to talk about this so many times, I’m afraid we’ll never get it resolved. I’m not sure I want to bring it up again.
Won’t there just be another argument?
A: Have hope that you can be successful in handling the discussion with your partner. Even if doesn’t turn out exactly how you want, you made a great effort.
Here are some points for you to consider:
Keep in mind the topic is emotionally-loaded. Because you’re opening up what has been an emotionally-laden topic with your partner, it’s reasonable to expect that she might initially get annoyed or upset in some other way with your remarks. Maybe she’ll roll her eyes and say, “Here we go again,” or “Get off my back, will you?”
Stay cool and calm. If you can show patience and understanding during this time, it will go a long way toward finally getting your issue resolved. So, rather than getting irritated or annoyed with her, keep your cool.
If she displays an unhelpful response, acknowledge her feelings.
Acknowledge the issue has been going on awhile. You could say, “I know this issue has been a continuing struggle for us. I’d like for us to figure out now how to handle it. Will you work on it with me?”
If you’re looking Jenny in the eye when you make a genuine, concerned request of her, she’ll hopefully open up to generating some solutions.
Generate solutions and offer help. You could ask Jenny how you could make it easier for her to place her clothes where they go.
For example, could the two of you establish a convenient place to put hangers near where she undresses so she can simply pick up a hanger and put her clothes on them as soon as she disrobes?
Or you could offer to move the hamper near where she undresses so all she’d have to do is open it and drop in her clothes.
Another option would be to put her clothes in a clothing basket in the closet.
Q: I’m not sure I could handle it that well because I’m so frustrated with her. How can I get my attitude under control?
A: The key is to be in a problem-solving frame of mind so you can share your earnest effort with Jenny. As you learn to be
calm and tactful in your exchanges with her, she’ll likely learn how to return the favor.
Your best hope to solve the issue is to approach the talk with positivity.
Another interesting way to resolve such challenges is to offer to “trade” one job for another with Jenny. For example, you could tell Jenny you’re happy to pick up her clothes every day and deposit them
in the hamper if she will take your job of carrying out the recycling and the garbage on Tuesdays and Fridays. Think about other tasks you’d be willing to trade.
The bottom line is that you must determine what’s important in your relationship. Which battles do you want to fight?
Sometimes, partners decide a particular issue doesn’t warrant putting in a lot of emotional energy. So, you must figure out whether this issue is worthy of your time and consideration in the future.
When you show openness, a willingness to solve a challenge, and confidence that the two of you can figure it out together, Jenny will likely see how important the issue is for you and join you in your efforts. Together you can bring positive change to make your relationship even better. Good luck!
Feb 2013 Yellow Pages Of Relationship
How to Talk About Your Past Romances With Your Partner
If you feel uncomfortable talking about your romantic past with your partner, you have plenty of company. A recent study found that 38% of men and women avoided talking about past relationships while only 16% hesitated to discuss controversial topics like religion and politics.
Would you like to share more information with your partner, but are unsure how to approach this sensitive topic?
Following these steps will enable you to feel more confident as you discuss your past romances and help ensure a positive experience.
Take these steps ahead of time, before you have the discussion:
1. Decide how much disclosure is right for you. Some people prefer to leave the past in the past while others want to be able to talk about everything with one they love. Strike the balance that feels right for you.
2. Know your criteria for a partner. For religious reasons or other factors, it may be essential to you that you’re the only person your spouse has ever been involved with. If so, date people who fit that description to avoid future hard feelings.
3. Develop valid bases of self esteem. Feeling good about yourself reduces jealousy and possessiveness.
* Base your worth on your accomplishments and values instead of putting an unrealistic burden on your mate.
4. Take a long term view. Of course, we all have insecurities. Sometimes it’s worth taking a risk to open up so you and your spouse can grow closer even if it’s a struggle to talk about things you may have kept secret.
5. Protect your physical health. Whatever the nature of your relationship, protect the health of you and your partner. Muster up the courage to assess any risk factors and practice safer sex.
Take these steps together with your partner:
1. Think before asking. Figure out how much you actually want to know. Consider whether the information you request from your partner really matters or is likely to make you happier together.
2. Go easy on the details. You can often give your loved one a rough outline rather than a minute by minute replay.
* Gauge their body language and comments to avoid too much information.
3. Avoid comparisons. Recognize that everyone is unique. Downplay your dalliance with a TV chef if your new love has trouble distinguishing between the rice cooker and the toaster.
4. Pay attention to patterns. The greatest value in this whole exercise may be spotting areas in your past where you can make positive changes. Talking things over with someone you are close to is an effective way to feel validated and motivated to move ahead.
5. Time it right. Neutral times and places can make sensitive subjects easier to address. Good opportunities may include long car trips or uneventful weekends.
6. See the humor in the subject. The world’s top social scientists concede the illogic in decades of studies reporting that the average heterosexual man has more sex partners than his female counterpart. There is still social pressure for men to exaggerate and women to underestimate.
7. Be accepting. In most cases, the way you respond matters more than any magic number. Try to appreciate your partner’s willingness to communicate openly rather than punishing them for stuff they did before you even met.
8. Focus on the future. If looking back helps you to gather more insights, put them to good use by making improvements in your future. That history could help you learn to make your current relationship a success.
It’s up to you how much you want to talk about your previous relationships. If you decide to discuss more of your love life with your partner, use these strategies to process your feelings and demonstrate mutual respect and support. You can be at ease with your past and ready for your future together.
Easy Ways to Bring More Security to Your Relationship
If your relationship sometimes feels like you’re riding a rollercoaster, there are simple ways to feel more secure as a couple. These are techniques you can use by yourself and with your partner to keep you both on a more even course.
Steps You Can Take by Yourself
1. Build up your self esteem. Start out by feeling secure about yourself. Take satisfaction in your own accomplishments. Pursue meaningful goals. Talk to yourself in a way that is kind and motivating.
2. Acknowledge your feelings. If you’re together long enough, you’re bound to have conflicted emotions about your partner occasionally. Accept your doubts, fears and irritations so you can process them rationally.
3. Manage stress. A healthy lifestyle will keep you more resilient.
* Get plenty of good quality sleep.
* Eat right and exercise regularly.
* Use alcohol in moderation.
* Find relaxation methods, like meditation or massage, that work well for you.
4. Solve your own challenges. It’s nice to have a partner to commiserate with, but stay on top of your own responsibilities.
* Learn to do the laundry or make easy home repairs instead of always depending on your spouse to do the job.
5. Try new things. Expand your comfort zone. Take dance lessons or volunteer in the emergency room at a local hospital. You may develop a new sense of assurance and become even more fascinating.
6. Maintain your family ties and friendships. Healthy couples rely on a broad base of support. Spend time with your family and friends. Get to know your neighbors.
Steps You Can Take With Your Partner
1. Communicate effectively. Communication skills are fundamental to any stable relationship. Talk to each other openly and with respect. Pick neutral times for tackling sensitive subjects.
* Listen attentively and give your partner your full attention instead of focusing on what you want to say next.
2. Provide mutual support. Celebrate your interdependence. Share household chores and parenting responsibilities. Offer your spouse a quiet afternoon at home while you take the kids out shopping for school shoes.
3. Resolve conflicts peacefully. Expect to disagree at times. Try to see each other’s position and look for ways to compromise. Stay calm and be willing to apologize.
* The best solutions make you both feel like winners.
4. Accommodate each other. Be flexible when there is no risk to your wellbeing or core values. Take turns visiting each other’s family on the holidays. Volunteer for extra errands when you know your partner has a tight deadline at work.
5. Stick to your household budget. Financial pressures can cause divisions. Put your household budget in writing. Monitor how you spend, save and invest your money. Plan major purchases in advance.
6. Create your own traditions. Personal traditions give us a sense of belonging and safety.
* Make family dinners a priority.
* If you both enjoy the theater, buy annual subscriptions to a local theater company.
7. Stay close. Flirt with each other. Hold hands when you go out to the movies. Read interesting news stories aloud over breakfast. Put out a vase of fresh flowers in your bedroom.
8. Consider classes and counseling. Being willing to accept expert assistance is a sign of strength. Couples classes can help you learn communication skills and new ways of interacting. Counseling can help you break through issues that are difficult for you to resolve on your own.
Work at making your relationship run more smoothly. Building up your self confidence and treating your partner with respect will help you to feel more secure with yourself and each other.
13 Ways to Deal Effectively With Unwarranted Criticism
Unjustifiable criticism may seem unfair, but the way you respond can turn it into a constructive experience. Try these suggestions for dealing with undeserved, negative feedback in the workplace and other settings.
Dealing With Unwarranted Criticism In General
1. Seek out the truth. Even the most farfetched accusations may contain a grain of truth.
* For example, you might not always neglect to close the garage door. However, if you’ve left it open more than once, you’ll be the most likely suspect if your spouse finds it open in the morning.
2. Identify the underlying issues. Conflicts sometimes flare up over minor issues when more serious resentments have been buried.
* Your sister may still be smarting from childhood rivalries when she nags you about your housekeeping. So, your house, messy or not, isn’t the real issue here. Try to work out the real challenges together and let the past go.
3. Collaborate on activities. If you’re frequently butting heads with someone, try consulting them more extensively. People are more likely to embrace projects that they had a hand in planning.
4. Provide reassurance. Stress can make people more prone to becoming hypercritical. Empathize with whatever struggles they may be going through and offer sincere praise for their individual strengths. They may soon feel more confidence in you.
5. Remain calm. Whatever is at the root of your conflicts, you’ll make more headway by staying calm.
* Keeping your emotions in check is good for your wellbeing and ability to present the facts logically.
6. Adopt a compassionate view. Even when you dislike how someone treats you, you can view them with compassion. Considering their position makes it easier to get along with them.
7. Move on. If you know that a person or an event is unlikely to have much impact on your future, you can choose to just let it be. For example, if another commuter honks at you when you have the right-of-way, say nothing and let it go.
Dealing With Unwarranted Criticism in the Workplace
1. Document your work. It’s always good to record your accomplishments. It’s especially important if you believe that you might need evidence to show your supervisor.
2. Put assignments into writing. Be proactive to improve communications. Send your supervisor an email with your understanding of an assignment written out to avoid discrepancies later.
3. Focus on outcomes. Look to the future and come up with solutions for whatever can be improved.
* You can do things to help, like straighten out the supply closet, regardless of whether that task was originally in your job description.
4. Build alliances. Your colleagues can provide valuable advice on how to deal with people you find challenging.
* Avoid complaining, but welcome practical suggestions on how to win more approval.
5. Promote yourself outside the workplace. Work at extending your network outside your office. You’ll get broader feedback for assessing your abilities and performance. Your colleagues may give you a second look if they see that others value your contributions.
6. Look for another position. Face the facts if you’re getting negative reviews and you believe the situation is unlikely to change.
* There may be another position in your organization that would suit you better or it may be time to start job hunting.
* Remaining conscientious about your duties and cooperative in the transition may impress your supervisor and enable you to part on good terms.
Sometimes the best way of dealing with unwarranted criticism is to disregard it. Of course, it can be dangerous to ignore your boss, so you want to have additional techniques on hand that will protect your peace of mind and relationships when confronted with negative, inaccurate feedback.
Rediscover the Lost Art of Courtesy and Get What You Want More Often
Even though our parents taught us to say “please” and “thank you,” we sometimes lose sight of showing courtesy to strangers as we grow up. However, rediscovering this fine art of finesse could benefit you in many ways, from greater success in negotiating to increased respect from others.
Consider this example: One fine day, Pauline visited a restaurant for lunch. But instead of experiencing a relaxing and delectable meal, here’s what transpired:
Pauline, in an exasperated tone: “This menu is so confusing! Up here at the top it says, “Pick any two for $12.00” but down here at the bottom, it says, “Pick any two for $9.00.” What’s going on? I want two of these (gestures to the top of the page) but I want to pay $9.00 for them.”
Waiter, trying to be patient: “Up at the top is a listing of our more expensive lunch entrees so two of those would be $12.00. At the bottom of the page, you’ll notice a different list, which includes our less expensive entrees, so they’re only $9.00 for two.”
Pauline, sounding demanding now: But I don’t want to pay $12.00. I want to pay $9.00!”
Waiter, again, with more patience: Well, that’s fine. Simply pick two items from the “Pick Two for $9.00″ list at the bottom of the page.”
As Pauline’s conversation with the waiter progressed, she became more frustrated. When she finally got past ordering and received her food, she was in no mood to enjoy it. What happened that turned her lunch experience into an ordeal? Was it the waiter? Or was it Pauline’s lack of courtesy? You be the judge.
Maybe it’s a good idea to re-visit some important points about common courtesy.
Consider how these aspects of courtesy can bring you pleasing results:
1. Think before you speak. If Pauline didn’t understand the menu, perhaps she could slow her mind down a bit and re-read the menu for a better understanding. You can often prevent unpleasant interactions with others by simply taking a moment to think over the situation.
2. Ask questions with a respectful tone. Rather than showing an attitude in your question, ask it as if you want to gain knowledge. Avoid putting down the other person or making some kind of unwinnable point. Endeavor to be respectful.
3. Be friendly. You show your confidence when you’re friendly to others.
4. Remind yourself of the old saying, “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”
* When you want someone to help you, it’s wise to approach them with an air of respect rather than disdain. Strengthen your efforts to be courteous and they’ll make more of an effort to assist you.
5. Recognize the obvious. In Pauline’s case, it would have been helpful for her to recognize that the waiter probably isn’t the person who composed the menu. Therefore, directing irritability toward the waiter was simply misplacing negative feelings toward someone who doesn’t deserve it.
* You’ll be less likely to get the best resolution if you’re displaying unkindness toward the man in the middle. Keep your focus on kindness.
6. Be clear about what you want, and then listen. Pauline could have stated, “I’m having trouble interpreting this menu page. I want a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a small Caesar salad. How much will I be charged?”
* Being courteous and perfectly clear in the first place prevents misunderstandings.
7. Say ‘thank you.’ If you follow up every exchange with “thank you,” it will bring the situation to an acknowledged, satisfying conclusion. You both know the event has ended. You’re successful in your efforts to be courteous.
Although it’s okay to be assertive when a situation demands, it’s always wise to demonstrate courtesy. Your ability to get what you want and successfully conclude a situation vastly increases when you practice this lost art of finesse.
The Busy Parent’s Guide to Encouraging Your Kids to Tell the Truth
Do you struggle with getting your children to tell the truth? It can be baffling to know what to do when your child is making up a story and sticking to it. Try these strategies to encourage your kids to level with you.
Strategies To Use At Every Age
1. Provide a good role model. The most important thing you can do is to demonstrate the importance of honesty in your own daily activities. Pay the full ticket price for kids who look small for their age. Resist making excuses when you get a parking ticket.
2. Identify the underlying causes. Kids may lie for many reasons. Often, they’re trying to avoid being punished. They may also be afraid of disappointing you. Or they may even be trying to conceal unpleasant facts from themselves! When you know what your child is feeling, you’re better positioned to respond appropriately.
3. Reward truthfulness. Let your kids know that honesty pays. Even if they accidentally break a neighbor’s window when they’re playing softball, praise them for coming clean about it.
4. Impose reasonable consequences. Kids are more likely to cover things up if they’re unsure what will happen to them or if they fear punishment. Try to be consistent with how you discipline them. You set the rules for your own household, but it may be helpful to survey what other parents do in the same circumstances.
5. Talk about values. Begin early with discussing values with your kids. Talk about the benefits of being honest and treating people well. Use examples from everyday life or the daily news to illustrate your points.
6. Remain calm. Your kids will likely be more attentive if you keep your emotions in check. It can be distressing to find out your child deceived you, but focus on resolving the conflict.
7. Avoid show downs. Make it as easy as possible for your kids to be honest. If you already know they told a fib, ask them how you can work together to improve the situation instead of putting them on the spot to elicit a confession.
8. Assume innocence. Some studies claim that people lie three times a day or more. Still, that means we’re telling the truth most of the time. Give your kids the benefit of the doubt to preserve trust and harmony.
9. Seek professional help. If you’re concerned that your child shows destructive patterns of deception, consider professional counseling to learn more effective ways to interact.
Strategies To Use At Specific Stages
1. Wait until kids know fact from fiction. Most kids are unable to understand the distinction between telling the truth and telling a lie until they are about 5 years old. You can start training them in the right direction, but punishment is meaningless when it’s premature.
2. Indulge fantasies. Imaginary friends are part of growing up. As long as your children seem happy and comfortable with real people, encourage their sense of play.
3. Recognize your child’s growing independence. As they enter the tween years, kids are likely to begin keeping more secrets. Keep the lines of communication open, but respect their growing need for autonomy.
4. Enforce limits with teens. On the threshold of adulthood, teens face many decisions that could determine their future. Set clear rules for telling the whole truth about driving, drinking and other priority subjects.
Most people lie from time to time, including kids. Setting a good example, discussing values, and rewarding honesty are the most effective ways to encourage your children to tell the truth.
Are Your Kids Driving You Crazy? 10 Sanity-Saving Strategies to Help You Cope
Raising children can provide some of the most exciting, wondrous times of your life. However, you might not feel so filled with loving wonder when your kids are going through phases that are disappointing, frustrating, and challenging on several levels.
How can you effectively handle these challenging behaviors and come out on the other side feeling the love again?
Try these strategies:
1. Identify the specific annoyance. Are you most annoyed by what your kids are saying or doing? Once you know exactly what it is you find irritating, you’ll be better able to address the matter successfully with your children.
2. Collect your thoughts. Before talking to your kids about the issue, think about what you’ll say and jot it down. Determine a consequence for the annoying behavior.
3. Discuss the behavior during a calmer time. When you aren’t feeling annoyed, talk confidently with your kids about your concerns.
* You might say something like, “I don’t like it when you argue and hit each other. You must stop doing those things. From now on, when you hit or argue, you’ll be placed in time-out for 5 minutes.”
4. Make your consequence fit the behavior. For instance, if your son, John, smacked his sister, Sue, grounding him for 2 weeks is a bit harsh. A more reasonable consequence might be that John must apologize to Sue and then sit in time-out to ponder his misdeed. He could also write sentences or clean Sue’s room for his actions.
5. Ignore insignificant occurrences. If Jane calls Jennie a “brat,” maybe you can ignore it. After all, kids must figure out ways to problem-solve and handle annoyances on their own. Allow the kids opportunities to work it out. Simply stated, don’t sweat the small stuff.
6. Prohibit physical fighting or lengthy yelling sessions. Place the kids in separate rooms for a short period of time if overly aggressive behaviors such as striking one another or yelling angrily continue.
* It’s best to make it very clear that these types of behaviors are unacceptable and won’t be tolerated without consequences. Afterward, be optimistic that behaviors will improve.
7. Treat your children with respect. One important way that kids learn to respect each other is when they feel respect from the adults around them. Endeavor to model respect and personal strength so the kids know what it is.
* Avoid physical contact with your kids when you’re angry.
* Rather than say an angry remark you might regret later, leave the room for a few minutes.
* Treating your children with respect, no matter how young they are, will pay off down the road in how they respond to others throughout their life.
8. Refrain from raising your voice. Instead, lower your voice to get their attention. This way, you’re likely making eye contact and having a greater impact on successfully interrupting negative behaviors.
9. Give yourself a time-out. If you find yourself feeling angry toward your kids, take five minutes to collect your thoughts and de-stress. Of course, ensure your kids can be safely left alone while you’re taking your break.
10. Rather than thinking about perfection, focus on progress. When you can identify positive progress in how your kids behave, you’ll be well on the way to saner, more rewarding times with your children. Use kind words and physical affection to show that you notice their improvements. Be passionate about parenting well.
* Nothing feels greater than receiving a sincere compliment. Your words of reinforcement for your kids’ positive behaviors should flow freely every day.
* Remember, your kids are counting on you to show them the way to a positive, enriching life.
When your kids are driving you crazy, employ these positive techniques to get results. They’ll learn more appropriate behaviors and you’ll live a more tranquil, rewarding existence.
Tips to Diffuse a Toddler’s Meltdown
As much as you love your toddler, parenting your young child can sometimes be frazzling and stressful! Factor in that you might be a stay-at-home parent – on call 24 hours a day – and some days might make you feel like a ticking time bomb! But take heart! Relief is only a few steps away.
Try these tips to diffuse your toddler’s tantrums, or at least help you cope more positively:
1. Breathe. This one is so simple! We do it automatically. Yet, in moments of stress, we tense up and almost seem to hold our breath. If you can catch yourself and notice the tension in your body, then you can remember to breathe out.
* Inhale a long, powerful breath of air. Close your eyes and feel the oxygen rushing to every cell of your body, rejuvenating and filling you with positive energy.
* Almost immediately, you’ll notice your muscles relaxing and your face softening. The emotional effects will be palpable, too. You may find that you can look upon the situation not with tired frustration, but with compassion.
2. Let them be. If the environment is safe and you’re at home, sometimes it can be therapeutic for your little one if you just let them have their tantrum. Be calm, and let them cry it out. Eventually, they’ll realize that throwing their fit doesn’t have the effect they wanted, and they’ll usually stop relying on this tactic.
3. It’s not personal. Remember, your toddler isn’t purposely doing anything to you. You are simply the observer of their actions as they try to figure out how they can get what they want. They are stretching their boundaries and exploring their world.
* If we can remember we are observers and not the intended receivers, we can approach the situation more calmly, thus reducing or eliminating the stress.
4. Stay in the moment. So many times, frustration arises because our minds want the moment to go differently. Maybe you desperately need to vacuum the floor or get that last load of laundry done. Instead, go with the flow. Recognize that you can make time for the chores later and know that it is okay.
* Your child will never be at this precious stage in their life ever again. What would you rather remember looking back on these early years? All the piles of clothes you folded or the treasured memories you made with your little one?
Nurture Yourself, Too
To best be there for your children, you have to be there for yourself as well. That means nurturing your body, mind, and spirit. When all three of these needs are met, it’s easier to handle stressful situations such as toddler meltdowns.
How can you nurture your own needs?
* Eat a balanced diet of nutrient dense proteins, fruits, and vegetables.
* Make time for yourself. Even during a child’s naptime you can nurture yourself. Avoid doing chores during this time. Instead, do something that rejuvenates you. For example, take a nap, read a book, watch a movie, meditate, or talk with a friend. Doing something that makes you feel like you (and not only a mommy) does wonders for your psyche!
* Feelings of frustration are normal. Talking with a friend can help you sort out what you’re feeling and come up with ideas to see these emotions for what they are.
These are just a few ideas. Feel free to use them as a springboard to your own unique solutions. It never hurts to keep looking for ways we can be better parents to our next generation.
If you can incorporate some of these tips into your daily parenting life, in moments of toddler meltdowns, you can guide your little one with patience. Instead of reacting with negativity to the tantrum, you will be in a position to offer love and comfort.
Your Teen is Depressed: How You Can Help – Helping A Fellow Guy? (updated on Feb 2nd 2013)
Q: Our 16-year-old daughter, Danielle, has been depressed over the past year. Although she’s a smart kid and has always done well in school, we are having trouble getting her out of bed to get ready and go to school in the mornings.
The getting-up problem has been happening over the last couple of months. Now, her grades are starting to fall. I’m afraid she’s getting worse.
We’ve told her she has to go to school or else she’ll flunk out. It’s like she’s not even listening to us. She just says, “Okay, I will,” and then the next day it’s the same thing all over again.
Plus, her relationship with my wife, Sherry, is not good. She either ignores her mom or screams at her. Since I work, I can’t be home all the time to referee their disagreements.
What can I do to help Danielle?
A: You have good reason to be concerned about Danielle’s recent change in her school behaviors. You and Sherry could have a talk with Danielle to see if she will open up and reveal if anything in particular is troubling her.
Sometimes teenage depression is triggered by actual situations or events. Other times, no triggers can be identified.
Since warning her about what might happen in the future, like flunking out of school, hasn’t helped change her behavior, perhaps you could ask her one or two open-ended questions to see if she’ll share what’s going on with her.
For example, you might say, “Mom and I are pretty concerned about you. It seems like you’re not interested in going to school anymore. Why is that?”
No matter what she says next, it’s important to simply listen to what she has to say. She may disclose she’s struggling with a particular teacher or her friends. Maybe she’s afraid or worried about something.
Although she may say she doesn’t know what’s wrong, it’s at least helpful to ask the question and listen carefully to her answer, as doing so shows your concern.
When a teen is depressed to the point of missing school, it’s a good plan to have a professional involved.
Q: I see. Maybe she’ll tell us truthfully what’s going on if we’re careful how we talk to her. She already goes to a therapist. Is it possible it’s not helping?
A: Anything is possible. However, if Danielle attends her appointments consistently, the therapist is hopefully helping Danielle identify and address issues of concern.
As Danielle’s parents, recognize it’s also necessary for you to keep some continuing contact with the therapist. The therapist needs to be apprised of any changes (for the better or worse) that you notice about Danielle. This way, the therapist is well-informed about Danielle’s progress and so are you.
Q: Is it really necessary for me or my wife to go in to see the therapist? She has asked us to come in before, but we told her that Danielle is really the problem.
A: Actually, the situation often improves when the parents cooperate with whatever the therapist recommends. Call the therapist and tell her that you and your wife are now willing to come in to discuss Danielle’s condition and be a part of her treatment.
The more you cooperate with the therapist, the more information the therapist has about your family dynamics. The therapist can do her best work if she knows about how Danielle relates to you, her mother, and to any siblings in the house, as well as reports about her school attendance and involvement.
Q: I guess we haven’t been too cooperative on that front. What about Danielle’s schooling? I hate for her to get behind and ruin her grades.
A: You bring up an important issue. It’s wise to contact Danielle’s school guidance counselor about what is going on with Danielle and why she’s missing so much school. The counselor or other school officials might make some recommendations about how to best insure Danielle continues to get her education so she doesn’t fall behind during this difficult time.
For example, some school districts can send tutors, free of charge, to your home for a few hours a few times a week to assist Danielle to keep up with her assignments.
Q: I just don’t understand why Danielle is getting worse right now. She’s on medication for depression. Do you think it should be changed?
A: Regardless of the age of the person, anyone who’s on psychotropic medication-medicine that alters how you think and feel-should be monitored closely by a psychiatrist. Does Danielle also receive treatment, as well as prescriptions, from a psychiatrist on a regular basis?
Although many general and family physicians are quite willing to prescribe psychotropic drugs, it’s recommended that a psychiatrist be involved. Psychiatrists are medical doctors with specialized training in mental disorders, such as depression.
Because of the vast differences in types of antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and anti-psychotic meds, psychiatrists can make the most informed decisions about which meds to prescribe.
Q: It seems like there’s all these professionals involved and it’s getting expensive! How can we keep them all straight and informed about Danielle’s condition?
A: Yes, mental health treatment can be especially complicated in the event you’re working separately with a psychiatrist and a therapist.
A valuable and cost-effective way to obtain mental health treatment is to work with an agency or psychiatric practice which employs a psychiatrist, a registered nurse or nurse practitioner, and a licensed mental health professional (counselor or therapist) who work together as a team to provide effective outpatient treatment.
When all of the professionals work together in the same office, patient information is kept confidential within the practice, yet team members can share information about patients among themselves when it’s helpful.
For example, if you phoned the therapist and let her know about Danielle’s increasing symptoms of depression, the therapist can speak with the psychiatrist or nurse about the situation. This way, the doctor can be quickly notified to make medication adjustments, too, if necessary.
Depending on your state’s guidelines, a nurse practitioner in the practice can often oversee the medications and make adjustments as needed for a lower fee than if the psychiatrist had altered the meds.
The team approach is valuable, lower cost in many cases, and brings the expertise of an entire team to work together to provide support to Danielle and your family.
In the event you find yourself struggling to afford Danielle’s mental health bills, talk with the therapist, nurse practitioner, or psychiatrist about a fee adjustment. Many therapists will work with clients to lower fees to more affordable rates.
If that isn’t possible in Danielle’s case, you could also seek mental health assistance through your local or state mental health center. Such programs typically charge on a sliding fee scale and offer professional help at lower cost.
Q: Is there anything else that my wife and I can do to help Danielle? We’re so worried about her.
A: It’s understandable that you would be concerned and it shows that you’re loving and caring parents.
Here are some quick tips regarding actions you and Danielle’s mom can take to help Danielle through this difficult time:
Make efforts to consistently have someone in the house with Danielle. This way, she knows that someone is physically there with her.
Carry on with family schedules and traditions. Normalize Danielle’s home life as much as possible. For example, continue eating meals together at the dinner table with the expectation that Danielle be there.
Have a Family Night every week. Simply hang out at home and do something together, like cooking dinner or playing Monopoly. It may be old-fashioned, but it will provide time for you all to sit down together, relate with each other, and play something as a family.
Do things with Danielle she enjoys doing. Plan activities like going to the park, taking a walk, or making a beaded necklace. Whatever her interests, arrange time to pursue them.
Ask your teen to help you with a task. Whether it’s peeling the potatoes, setting the table, or washing the car, eliciting her efforts is a subtle reminder that she’s part of a loving, caring family.
Encourage Danielle’s friends to stop in and spend some time with her. As long as you’re sure her friends are supportive and provide positive role models for her, help her stay in frequent contact with them. Seeing her friends will cheer her up and encourage her to cooperate with treatment to gain back her normal teenage life.
Provide consistent verbal reassurance to Danielle. Let her know that you’re here for her and that the family is willing to do whatever is necessary to ensure she can heal. Assure her that she’s going to get better and that “this, too, shall pass.” Remind her she won’t be a teenager forever and that she’ll soon feel healthy again.
Be positive. When Danielle does as you ask, even if it’s something small, let her know you appreciate it. As you exercise these strategies, you’ll likely notice gradual changes for the better in Danielle’s mood and behavior.
Ensuring the family consistently follows through with treatment recommendations and continues to relate positively together are the best strategies to help your daughter regain a healthier emotional life.
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